We thought long and hard about the decision to enroll our youngest in the same virtual academy our older daughter attends. Kid 1 loves it and never wants to return to “regular” school (the only downside being that she feels left out when it comes to school dances). And with Kid 2′s anxiety level, “regular” school just didn’t seem like a good option. A day in the life of a kindergarten student is trying enough for a “normal” kid. For my SPD kid, it could very well be intolerable.
It’s not the school work that’s the issue, because she’s an intelligent kid. It’s the other stuff – eating in the noisy cafeteria, being on the playground with older children, walking down the hallway alone to go to the “big kids” bathroom, and riding the bus. Those everyday things that many kids don’t even think about are very difficult for my child.
Kid 2 has made amazing progress in the last year. She’s learning how to separate from me and try new things. She’s become friends with girls at preschool who previously frightened her with their exuberance. And last weekend, she even spent the night at her aunt’s house…without her sister! That’s a milestone I never thought possible. Everyone who visits us has taken notice of how much she’s come out of her shell since therapy, and I am very proud of her. But we still have a ways to go.
When we don’t do the body brushing technique (Wilbarger brushing protocol) or don’t pay as much attention to her needs as we should, we definitely pay the price. She can still have tantrums and trouble sleeping, and sometimes anxiety still gets the best of her. For example, the preschool class is having lunch at school next week, to help prepare them for Kindergarten. At first, my kiddo was very excited about this, but as the time draws nearer, she is becoming more and more anxious about it. I really won’t be surprised if she backs out at the last minute. And that’s totally fine, because it’s nothing she NEEDS to do. She’s attending the virtual academy for Kindergarten, so the lunch issue is off the table, so to speak.
I feel like the progress she’s made has been due to the decisions my husband and I have made along the way. Despite pressure from others, we choose not to push her to do things she isn’t comfortable with. One of my friends has an autistic daughter who faces a lot of the same sensory issues as my child, and we have both found that pushing doesn’t work for our children. Letting them come to something in their own time is much easier for them and makes for a more harmonious home life for all. On the other hand, I have friends with a special needs child (SPD is one of her many diagnoses) who really push their daughter to do everything her peers are doing. She usually has major meltdowns over these things, but they choose to endure them. That child makes progress as well, but I feel it comes with a pretty high price tag. But that’s me. Each family’s approach is the sole business of that family. Period.
I’m writing all this because we are getting a lot of unasked for and unwanted advice from a particularly opinionated family member about where Kid 2 should attend Kindergarten. We’re being told that without the daily opportunity to interact with her peers, she will regress. We’re being told that we’re making a mistake and that we should send her to “regular” school. We’re being told that after a few days, she’ll get used to it. I might add that this is also a family member who doesn’t really buy the whole SPD thing and doesn’t grasp that my child has a legitimate disorder. This is the same family member who insists on trapping my daughter in a big hug every time she sees her (regardless of the fact that my daughter doesn’t want to hug her). It’s infuriating.
I guess what bothers me is the fact that making the decisions I’ve made regarding my kids and their schooling hasn’t been easy. It wasn’t something I flipped a coin over. I’ve very carefully weighed the pros and cons and agonized over every detail. And for the most part, I feel really good about the way things have been going.
The virtual academy has been awesome for Kid 1, who can flourish without the threat of others becoming jealous and bullying her over it. She can whiz through subjects that are easy for her and spend extra time on stuff that’s harder. She can go to the bathroom when she needs to (unlike “regular” school, where breaks are strictly monitored) and eat when she’s hungry. She can take a break if she isn’t feeling well (which is a lot less frequent than when she was in “regular” school). The whole thing just works for us. And I expect it will work equally well for Kid 2.
I just need certain people to butt out. They’re our kids, and we get to call the shots, right?
